Re-Covery

I am about to enter a period of decimation. 

This word, recovery, however, holds much significance at this point, for I am about to cover material which I will have a lifetime to examine and re-examine--a decision to consider and reconsider as to the appropriate time to open up for revision.

But once again I am going to re-cover the loneliness I was growing rather acquainted with. The void in my chest, in your chest as well, that tends to get covered with TV programming, text messaging, gossip, etc. I was growing acquainted with this nada, but life calls and I must enter the race once more, which requires a certain degree of amnesia, a certain degree of recovery.

Re-covery.

Ironically, the term connotes positive affiliation; my macbook dictionary defines recovery as “a return to a normal state of health, mind, or strength” with synonyms such as recuperation, improvement, convalescence.

A return to a normal state. a return. What causes the departure? And why the return? What is a normal state? I wouldn't mind an in depth examination of these questions some day. At the moment, I humbly believe that the departure highlights a point of no light. A void. A nada. A loneliness. A point where everything is uncovered in nakedness. Lot's Wife. Eve. The mind's “eye” uncovered by the "I". The departure highlights a movement toward a somethingness. A realization of a nakedness, a nothing, a no-light, that has been covered, and re-covered, with a valueless existence.

The departure and a look back, a return; a decimation (for I argue that only a tenth is destroyed, or rather, transformed and re-transformed). Is it that the departure is too painful? Thus the return is yearned, i.e. the “normal” state, the recovery? Could it be that “recovery” does not connote anything positive?

I think I'm in perpetual recovery mode.
The echoes that bounce from my own walls become haunting banshees while the mirrors reflect a ghastly existence; and together, this “voice” and my “image,” reflect the uncovered void. A mere conditioned reflection decimated by the very loneliness that works hard at covering, and recovering, its own madness from the world. 

Aye, there's the rub-a-dub-dub.
Three madmen in a tub.

There is the irony folks.

The very “logical” and reasonable systems, e.g. law and justice, are mere conditioned reflections of a manifested voice working hard to cover up it's own illogical conclusions. The law is mad, but under the guise of law, all seems well. You cover, and re-cover, your madness by an obsessive compulsion to seem normal, to avert weirdness, to avoid a mistake that could reveal a vulnerable point (an entry into that no-light).

I've lost you.

Let me give an example: When a solitary figure holds a mirror to society, he is deemed mad. His or her rants are conspiracy and/or lunacy. The uncovered madness, due to a loneliness that is no longer covered, shows itself, but the gavel recovers. Law and order laughs in this persons face,  it fines said person, or issues a cititation to said person for, say, being a public nuisance,  and all is recovered.

 It's a sickening pattern, and it's genius.

I must sleep now. It's going to be a long Fall.

Goodnight sweet ladies

goodnight, goodnight.

References:
Mac book Dictionary

Blake's “Proverbs of Hell” in The Marriage of Heaven and Hell

Hemingway's “A Clean Well-Lighted Place”

T.S. Elliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock” / “Hollow Men”

Nursery Rhymes

Shakespeare's Hamlet