Then again, these wanderers could be living examples of the manifest and latent functions of restrictive covenants emplaced by the justice system that barred mexican-americans, or rather non-whites, from purchasing homes in El Sereno. Illegal legalese esé.
The struggle is not against flesh and blood (and, yes, it is real, whatever it is). Sometimes, in our blind fits, we seem to learn to direct our energies against one another, sinking together in a boat of injustice, of profanity, of confusion. Yet there seem to be certain powers that bind our pathways and string along our will which do not always make themselves clear. And the pain we feel, which turns into abusive "fuck you's" we spew, only tends to degrade: we curse each other. And, the theater of life turns obscene.
Everyone becomes a clown; the more spectacular the show, the more captivated the spectators.
You might say nothing carries meaning, and the only weight it holds comes from "logic" and meaning-making via words (words which some would call empty).
And life, well, it goes on...
In the end, it seems that all everyone is doing is "trying to get by" and in the process add zest, carpe diem, "live for the day," be positive, and all that high school pep rally stuff, be aggressive, be be aggressive: grab life by the balls and seize the future. Visualize, and be hypnotized--enact observer effect theory and alter the atomized universe and make it yours. "Do you," fuck the "haters," eject the toxic people in your life, et cetera et cetera...
and life, well, it goes on and on and on...
But, though it may go on, and on and on, I'm of the disposition that life cannot go "on" when the scales of Fortuna seem tipped in favor of someone that is forcing her wrists. Every time I hear these types of terms expressed in varying degrees of passion or impassioned sentiments, reactionary comments imply that one should be grateful to live in America; that one should be grateful to not be afflicted with any illnesses, bedridden, as if the statements expressed were suggesting that the individual him/herself wasn't appreciative of their privileges.
I'm often caught in between the turmoil of left and right.
The "honest truth," if any, is that sometimes I get sudden waves of sadness, and tears flood the rims of my eyes; the whole matter seems ridiculous. Any film over my iris becomes cleared. A silent howl and weep for the cleansing of the I. Lachrymal lagrimas from LA crimes in these LA times. My eyes start burning as I attempt to stay the flow of salt and water; soon, they become irritated. I start laughing because it's ridiculous, and bittersweet.
No matter what though...the popular ideology is to "keep moving forward" and not be, as my drill sergeant used to call it, an oxygen thief. I'm not a regular subscriber though. I like magazines like Backpacker that sell me romanticized illusions of traveling and getting away: "Call me Ishmael...This is my substitute for pistol and ball. With a philosophical flourish Cato throws himself upon his sword; I quietly take to the ship."
"we all choose to live life / we confuse how with why"
References:
Herman Melville, Moby Dick (1851)
John Frusciante, "A Doubt," The Will to Death (2004)
Beautiful piece... Loved: "A silent howl and weep for the cleansing of the I."
ReplyDeleteI think the appeal of escaping in nature is to reconnect with innocence, the stillness, the simplicity that to us appears as stupidity, but that is in fact, much harder to achiever and preserve.
We see complex sentences and technologies as progress, but how is it so if it divided us?
So the privileges to be in America seems to be to have a shot at the American dream, because they do such a good job at selling on on this. Since we never really get there, like dreams have no resolutions, we are always trying to get there, so we should always be smiling and positive because "we might get there" but we never will.
When someone wakes up and decides to move away, like we are doing now, you realize that we we thought we need is what is blocking what we really need.
So yes I agree with you, it's a circus, a dream, to walk around to buy shiny things and look sexy for Instagram, but we're mind deep in it and it will take all of our efforts and courage combined to return to truth and the expensive and shiny offer that it is to be present and persistent in our love.
I am so glad that you are not accepting anything less.