nada nada limonada

It's payday and I have performed another magic trick: as soon as the money comes, it goes--POOF! I'm back to "normal," hustling for petty change and breadcrumbs here and there, helping students with their papers about pro-choice, pro-life, and no-choice and no-life, and my life at coffee and tea shops. And, it's another 2 weeks of re-telling myself to hold on, to keep writing, to keep job hunting, and that I still have my freedom. That it could be worse. That the science steam engine still flows from my nostrils and that the steel and iron creatures of industry provide me with the motivational forces that balance my feet in the current space and time. Instead of stepping on the Nepalese rugs of the coffee shop, I could be making them.


And...around the time I'm about to lose my mind in the uncertainty of the morrow, I take to the water. The water seems to consume every fractured fiber in my nonsense conscious, and after twirling and twisting about, I am spat back out in some sort of reconfiguration. In the pool, it's the bleach. In the ocean, it's the salt. The salt is more effective at it that the bleach. Remember Lot's wife. Destruction & Transformation


Then...when I take things so seriously that they blind me and that in turn reflect a petty and comic worldview, I put on the blinders, being so lucky to have blinders, and go to sleep. Then, at meetings, we talk about what we talk about when we talk about what we are talking about when we are suppose to talk about talking. And when the workday is over, my lungs are exhausted from talking and questioning and my mind feels duller from feelings of being unable to puzzle a coherent thesis or topic sentence anymore-Just go with the list. Here is a template: if A, then B; thus, rationale. While XYZ, ABC, and therefore and thereby whereby the mess therein and the mess wherein reflects the nonsense conscious which illustrates and highlights the twilight of the nada nada limonada.